My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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