can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
