i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
