I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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