Say something about gay babies.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize