38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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