It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
