This is not my ceiling
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
