My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
