Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All the doctor said was why
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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