I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
