I heard we made out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
