it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to align my fucking chakras
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
