I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
