I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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