Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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