Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The power of my boobs compel you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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