He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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