Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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