How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
