i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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