I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
