I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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