My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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