I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Houston, we have a squirter
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
