my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
