i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
