do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
