he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
