i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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