Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
