I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
