I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
