Say something about gay babies.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
