hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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