i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
