a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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