Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
vagina is talking i cant
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
