did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
