DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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