Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
