Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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