Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.