I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
