girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
