do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
