It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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