Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Vodka?
Forever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
