I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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