One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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