So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
