Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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