This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
