So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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