I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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