actually, I'm a sock model
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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