Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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