Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
mondays should just be called national damage control day
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
