im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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