apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We have started to decorate penises.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
