Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
