I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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