Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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