Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
