Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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