You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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