I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
