Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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