I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
