I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
