The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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