I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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