mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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