i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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