doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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