I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
