i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
