He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
