Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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