To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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