sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
